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When distilled down to its core reason: self-indulgence.
Such a simple premise, yet so loaded, that if it were a car the tyres would have blown from the immense weight.
But seriously, writing is so very self-indulgent. Think about it, you have absolute and total control - from the weather, the time, location, the character or characters (which in itself is potentially boundless in regards what you can create). Basically, in essence, you are the ultimate creator. Your word is 'law'. You wield the power to create, destroy, make sun, rain, laughter, tears, joy, sadness. Need I go on?
Yet... and here's the rub; you are also at the mercy of that which you create. Believe this or not, but characters can develop in ways that are both unexpected and surprising, WITHOUT your intent. Yes. It is a thing. Many writers will tell you the such. Once you are in a flow state of writing and your muse is in tune with your creative flow, the words take on a life of their own, and before you realise what's happening you may have written a page or two, maybe three, and not even thought about it. It just flowed.
Your writing can take on a life of its own. Characters seemingly make their own decisions, create their own dialogue, even scenes unfold of their own volition.
This is when your writing speaks for you, when you are one with your muse and it becomes an almost effortless experience. It's quite magical, actually.
But the downside, when you lose your muse, it's like being jilted by a lover who has ghosted you overnight and you are left puzzled, disorientated and confused. This is what writer's block can feel like.
So back to the original question: why do I write? What do I gain from it? I mean, I've never been published, no one reads my work, no one knows my name or refers to me as a 'writer'. When not being crushed by writer's block, the act of writing is very freeing. You lose yourself within your own imagination. Ideas, like beautiful fish in a huge pond glide by gracefully, teasing as they swim lazily past sparking images, and dialogue for characters yet created. Scenes coalesce within your imagination, setting the stage for something tantalisingly mysterious or incredible, or both. As an artist paints upon a canvas, the writer paints inside the imagination and translates it into print.
I love the creative process of dreaming up characters, their arcs, friendships, relationships, what drives them, what scares them, who they love and who they hate. It can be akin to staring at an timeline of an yet-to-be born life - you know where and what, when and how. And sometimes you are moved to tears because of the why.
It's beautiful and challenging at the same time. It's your worst moments of your life married with the best dreams you've ever experienced. It's also very sad because it is so beautiful, and sad because you know it will die with you, never to have blessed the light of day, nor touched another's heart.
Sometimes I think of it as a penance, for some horrible transgression in a previous life. Yet there are moments where you feel like you are totally free and soaring, the faint caress of a smile on your lips.
From poetry, five sentence fictions, drabbles, short stories, short one-off scenarios for my old role playing group or an ongoing campaign within the realms of AD&D or Dragon Warriors or Warhammer FRPG, to novella stories, I have ventured. Of that I can confirm to any reading this pondering the craft of writing and the possibility of dipping one's toe into that swirling pool of the imagination - DO IT. No one will judge you more harshly than yourself, and you have nothing to lose yet everything to gain.
So why do I write? All of the above.
I leave you with a piece of music that, to me, sums up perfectly what it feels like to write and create, maybe even to call yourself a 'writer'. It's the sound of writing - the joy, the grief, the surrender.
I give to you, Max Richter's hauntingly beautiful, "On The Nature Of Daylight", courtesy of Fatcat Records.
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