Writer's Block - A Real F**king Curse.

 

Copyright © M.Kelly 2025

When I began dabbling with writing, going back to the 90's, it was as a result of my passion for the fantasy genre birthed out of my introduction to Dungeons & Dragons and the role playing game scene in general.

Undoubtedly it was a tap installed into my imagination, allowing me to turn it on to full flow and let the ideas run freely. And this they did for a very long time. During that time my role playing influences filtered through from games such as 'Traveller' (original spelling), from Games Workshop - back in the day when they were all about the games and not the money - 'Call of Cthulu', 'Warhammer Fantasy RPG', 'AD&D', 'Shadow Run', and last, but not least, my ultimate rpg love, the brilliantly simple, 'Dragon Warriors'.

I consumed books/novels in the various genres weekly, buying more and more, my imagination filling with new vistas, characters, scenarios, locations - basically everything a DM/GM needed in order to run their worlds for their rpg group. And that I did. 

"But what if I wrote a story?" I asked myself. So I did. Poorly. But I wrote another, and another. All of them crap. Though to me it was an amazing sense of freedom. I wrote for myself. No-one ever read them, nor will they. For me, writing was having my own personal cinema in my head. Putting the words to paper fired up the screen of my imagination. It was wonderful.

Jumping to 2011, and a good friend, encouraged me to try blogging (thank you, Hana, you've no idea how much you inspired me and I'm sorry I never told you at the time). Although younger, she was far ahead along the curve upon which I was cruising, creatively. With her help and encouragement I set up this blog you are reading now, although originally I created it to help newbie DM/GMs with tips, tricks, advice and some anecdotes for good measure. Even the look and vibe of the blog was different.

Things changed when I stumbled across a writer's blog. Curious I delved deeper, uncovering a whole new sphere of the blogoverse, but more importantly, its occupants: Writers. Things changed for me. I became part of the writing community, entering their challenges, sharing thoughts and ideas, reading what others had written and most importantly, learning.

Fast forward and decades later, and I like to think over that time I've learned from my writing mistakes. To a degree yes, to a degree no. Now engaged in a writing project, ten chapters in and chapter eleven staring me blankly in the face over the top of a wall I cannot get over, under, around or through...

...writer's block.

Put bluntly, it's a fucker. But it's a creation of my own making on several levels. 

1. I stopped writing for myself and began writing as if for others.
2. I started writing as if it were my job and not my pleasure.
3. I started seeking perfection from the get-go.
4. Imposter syndrome. Another fucker.

All of the above have come together to build this wall that now stops me from writing my project. It's utterly debilitating in terms of the act of writing creatively - and yes, I know I'm writing now, but this is disconnected from the project from which the wall now surrounds. Crazy, eh?

So, apparently, from everything I've read, watched and listened to, I have to "give myself permission" to write crap/garbage, and also give my inner critic instructions to assess it AFTER I've written, and NOT before, as otherwise that brakes get applied and stay applied.

Basically, you have to play mind games with your creativity, start treating it like an office of unruly workers to whom you must give clear and unquestionable instructions in order to carry on functioning.

Such a ball ache. So, that's where I am currently. Dealing with a wanky cohort of unruly workers inside my creative head, screwing with my writing process.

As usual I leave you with a song/tune of which I love. It's from Message to Bears - You Are A Memory.

I wish you a lovely day/night. Stay safe, healthy and happy.