Why Do I Write?

 

Copyright © M.Kelly 2025

Why do I write? 

A question I've pondered many, many times, with equally many, many answers.

When distilled, its core reason: self-indulgence.

Such a simple premise, yet so loaded, that if it were a car the tyres would have blown from the immense weight. 

But seriously, writing is so very self-indulgent. 

Think about it, you have absolute and total control - from the weather, the time, location, the character or characters (which in itself is potentially boundless in regards what you can create). Basically, in essence, you are the ultimate creator. Your word is 'law'. You wield the power to create, destroy, make sun, rain, laughter, tears, joy, sadness. The list could be endless.

Yet... and here's the rub, you are also at the mercy of that which you create. Believe this or not, but characters can develop in ways that are both unexpected and surprising, WITHOUT your intent. Yes. It is a thing. Many writers will tell you such. Once you are in a flow state of writing and your muse is in tune with your creative flow, the words take on a life of their own, and before you realise what's happening you may have written a page or two, maybe three, and not even thought about it. It just flowed.

Writer's Block - A Real F**king Curse.

 

Copyright © M.Kelly 2025

When I began dabbling with writing, going back to the 90's, it was as a result of my passion for the fantasy genre birthed out of my introduction to Dungeons & Dragons and the role playing game scene in general.

Undoubtedly it was a tap installed into my imagination, allowing me to turn it on to full flow and let the ideas run freely. And this they did for a very long time. During that time my role playing influences filtered through from games such as 'Traveller' (original spelling), from Games Workshop - back in the day when they were all about the games and not the money - 'Call of Cthulu', 'Warhammer Fantasy RPG', 'AD&D', 'Shadow Run', and last, but not least, my ultimate rpg love, the brilliantly simple, 'Dragon Warriors'.

I consumed books/novels in the various genres weekly, buying more and more, my imagination filling with new vistas, characters, scenarios, locations - basically everything a DM/GM needed in order to run their worlds for their rpg group. And that I did. 

"But what if I wrote a story?" I asked myself. So I did. Poorly. But I wrote another, and another. All of them crap. Though to me it was an amazing sense of freedom. I wrote for myself. No-one ever read them, nor will they. For me, writing was having my own personal cinema in my head. Putting the words to paper fired up the screen of my imagination. It was wonderful.

A Long Time Passed...

 As the title states, it has indeed been a long time passed since I last posted. I must confess, it's entirely down to me, my procrastinating mindset combined with a lacklustre imagination fuelled by a plethora of external - and some internal - conflicts, mini-dramas and distractions.

For that, I most humbly regret.

But here we are, early hours of Saturday, 23rd of August, 2025, and another epically uninspiring Summer has dragged its unimpressive arse closer to handing over the baton to a toe-tapping Autumn.

So, to catch up, let me think...

New Finds in 2024.

 Every once in a while, whilst watching something on TV, a piece of music pops up, be it in an advert (not so much lately), or a film, or series, that makes your ears prick and your brains blurts, "Hang on! I like that! What is it?"

Well, I stumbled across a new Polish Police drama, titled FORST, the trailer for which I'll post below, as it'll save me blabbing on in a poor attempt to explain it. The trailer is in Polish, but click on the subtitles option. Trust me, dubbing just ruins it.

But in episode one, there is a point where the main character Forst is in his caravan, and puts an LP onto his record player - old school, love it - and this smooth bass lines kicks in, followed by a chilled guitar line, and then the lead vocal. It is so sublime you can feel yourself mellowing out as the seconds pass.

Instantly my brain gives me a kick, and my ears are tuned in. The track is call "Apocalypse" and is performed by a band called: Cigarettes After Sex. So, for your listening pleasure, here is the track (on the strength of which, I've ordered the album on CD, as I like to play them in my car when driving). Enjoy.

 

Almost Christmas.

Where has the time gone? So much of it has slipped by since my last posting of June. Scary.
But then that's the way life is as you get older, and you put your head down to get on with the everyday business of working, living, relaxing - when possible - and dealing with whatever curveball hits you from out-of-the-blue.

I've now stopped working full-time in theatres at the hospital, and instead I work on what is referred to as 'Bank' - a form of agency staffing for the NHS. My current residence is A&E, just for two days of the week, the rest of which are interspersed with my clinic days. Presently, of the latter, things are somewhat quiet, just the odd day here and there.

To a Long Lost Friend - Belated Congratulations.

 Time moves so fast. So-much-so that we lose track of the important things in life, and before you know it, too late. Your time is done, and there is none left to say the things you feel matter. 

So as a very tenuous link, I'll just share my own personal thinking regarding friendships and relationships and the metric of time. My personal belief is every relationship has its own "shelf life", an allotted time span before it draws to an end. It could be measured in days, weeks, months or years. But all relationships, no matter what form they take, come to their natural end, one way or another.

Back to my "long, lost friend"...

Time Passed.

Copyright ©2023 M. Kelly
All Rights Reserved.

This is more of an acknowledgement to myself than anyone who may stumble across this by accident, as I highly doubt I have any followers who actively read my posts any longer. But time has passed, and I have done some thinking.

Yes. I've taken time to consider aspects of my life, few as they might be these days, and I've raised a few questions as a result. But consider them I did, and I've come to some conclusions in answer to said questions.

The main one being: 

'Where am I going?' Sad truth is, nowhere. I've ground to a halt, like some old digging machine left out in the desert, rusting and alone. Parts seizing up, and ageing as time insists and nature obliges, my physical being has become less efficient in function than I'd like. Totally my fault.

'What am I doing?' Another sad truth - very little. The physical has bearing on the mental, and when mind and body are out of favour with each other, the machine as a whole decides to adopt a 'non-compliance' policy. Unruly little bastard.

Passing of Tilly

Eight week old Tilly.
Copyright ©2022. Mark Kelly

Once more I find myself faced with this difficult task, the loss of our beloved Tilly (Trotter) on Thursday 8th December, at roughly 1430hrs.

Tilly, then called Frodo, (as Lord of the Rings was just released in the cinema, and it was believed she was a male cat) came to us as an eight week old, grey-striped bundle of attitude and sass, and for something so small, wasn't afraid to give a smack.

At the time we lived in Llantwit Major and had recently lost Baila, our very first cat - such a sweet, gentle and loving soul - and Thomas our tom cat was now alone.
Enter Tilly. Like a thunder bolt, Tom's life was turned up-side-down by this wild bundle of grey-striped fury and fun. 

Tilly was as loving as she was mercurial - one minute purring from being stroked, to swiping you with her claws with a hiss. She was, at heart, a semi-feral cat, discovered as a kitten running wild on a golf course in Bridgend, evading capture for three days. Of her mother and possible siblings we knew nothing. We had adopted her from the Bridgend Cat Rescue centre.